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[laughitoff]

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[strikingchords]

Mm. Your condition was severe.

...

Knew my brother would guess my actions. And, have known since the return of Wen Qionglin's senses that your spiritual energy is impaired. Thus, I hid us behind stone. It might buy time for me to return us both to full strength, before we were found.

[laughitoff]

[well that's a lot of staggering sentences one after the other; struggles to swallow them for a minute, visibly]

...you were found too soon.

[strikingchords]

Less than three days.

[laughitoff]

Yet, I didn't wake up in Gusu.

[strikingchords]

No. My brother and uncle came with thirty-three elders of the Lans and bade me give you over and return. I beat each until they declined to insist further.

It was for this reason that I was punished, after.

[laughitoff]

[jerks in absolute shock]

...

[strikingchords]

[closes his eyes and waits patiently]

[laughitoff]

...


How does that differ from helping me?

[strikingchords]

...

I do not regret my actions. However, they were my choice. Might have acted differently, even for the same goal.

But, it was how it was.

[laughitoff]

[on the one hand that absolutely reads like pedantry to him, on the other he doesn't really want to get into a fight about this

just...shakes his head]

[strikingchords]

[exhales; his next sentences may clarify that...]

How can it be help when you did not desire it? I wished to show I acted wholeheartedly. Could be called self-indulgence.

[in less than three weeks Lan Wangji has repeated the "if you didn't want it, how could I call it something you should be grateful for?" logic several times, now. it may be less pedantry and more a Thing.]

...

I knew you did not desire it. You had asked that I go, as well.

When you were near-recovered, I took you to the foot of the Burial Mounds, and obeyed.

[laughitoff]

[stricken]

And then you went back on your own to take your punishment, is that it?

[strikingchords]

[nods, glancing at him for the first time in a while; seems a little startled at his tone]

[laughitoff]

[he looks sad and sick and angry? what was Lan Wangji even expecting there]

[strikingchords]

[NOT THAT???? tilts towards him unconsciously, deeply concerned]

Wei Ying.

[laughitoff]

I truly don't know what to say.

[strikingchords]

...

No need, then. You deserve truth.

Had not realized, at first, that you did not remember.

[laughitoff]

[wrenching]

Did you think I simply wouldn’t speak of it, if I did?

[strikingchords]

[...

low, after a little while]

Thought your anger was in response.

[laughitoff]

[god. fucking damn. that's fair, isn't it.]

I see.

[strikingchords]

...

[soft, reflective]

Again and again I have forced myself upon you and abandoned you after. Anger would not be baseless.

But, I have also misjudged much.

[laughitoff]

When have you forced or abandoned me.

[strikingchords]

...

What I just recounted. When I have pressed concerns on you before.

[laughitoff]

[this is fucking hideous]

No.

[strikingchords]

[it's his turn not to know what to say immediately...]