[texting post]

[laughitoff]

Wei Wuxian 魏无羡
22 / M / Hell

THE FEARSOME YILING PATRIARCH! DRIVING EVIL FROM YOUR DOOR WITH A GREATER EVIL! LOVES MILD FOOD, CUTE PUPPIES, LONG WALKS IN THE BURIAL MOUNDS AND KILLING ALL YOUR LOVED ONES!

<span style="font-family:century gothic,helvetica,arial,sans-serif;"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/ScI5Hsw.png" style="height:20px;margin:0 5px -4px 0;"><b style="color:#e75480;">YOUR NAME</b> got horribly cursed by Wei Wuxian!</span> CURSE

<lj-raw><span style="font-family:century gothic,helvetica,arial,sans-serif;"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/P3gZl1b.png" style="height:20px;margin:0 5px -4px 0;"> <b style="color:#e75480;">YOUR NAME</b> declared Wei Wuxian a heretic! <blockquote style="border-left:5px solid #ddd;padding:0 0 0 10px;"> Message_content </blockquote></span></lj-raw> DENOUNCE

<span style="font-family:century gothic,helvetica,arial,sans-serif;"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/w2B4FYG.png" style="height:20px;margin:0 5px -4px 0;"><b style="color:#e75480;">YOUR NAME</b> challenged Wei Wuxian to a duel!</span> FIGHT

CODE BY

Comments

[strikingchords]

[his eyes widen slightly, stricken; not in hurt or distress at Wei Wuxian's response on his own behalf, just, still sympathy for the degree of feeling he's getting from Wei Wuxian about this.

in response he very deliberately and carefully but half unthinkingly repeats what has become his familiar fallback reaction for when either he or Wei Wuxian is overwhelmed and panicking and not sure what to do, which is:

- shift his hand around and very gently smush Wei Wuxian's face down onto his shoulder]

[laughitoff]

[oh god. his breath escapes him in a ragged sob, like Lan Wangji's ripped it out of him.]

[strikingchords]

[frees up his other arm to wrap it firmly around Wei Wuxian's waist, just holding him there, holding him close, for a minute; more concerned with that than immediately following up on the question]

[laughitoff]

[he just

stays there?

and panics and panics and panics and panics, a white-hot beacon of fear pressed against Lan Wangji's body

but he doesn't go...?]

[strikingchords]

[he shifts his grip for a moment, reminiscent of his hands on Wei Wuxian's wrists as he pinned them down; Lan Wangji's arm is very strong but he won't actually trap Wei Wuxian there if he tries to escape.

he can feel that fear under his skin like fire, baffling and distressing. in the end there's nothing he can do but react to it.]




What happened?

[his voice comes out low and level and serious, as always, but there's something almost plaintive behind the question somewhere. Lan Wangji is hurting for him and apprehensive and bewildered too, for all that he feels them without flinching.]

[laughitoff]

[rough, barely hearing himself over the blood roaring in his ears]

Haven't you figured it out yet?

[strikingchords]

[quiet]

Some.

But I am asking.

[laughitoff]

I...

[can he say it? his mouth works against Lan Wangji's shoulder, soundless]

[strikingchords]

[tightens his arms around him, tugging him tighter against himself internally, too; it's a sudden impulse when he feels the heart-in-his-throat familiarity of that inability to speak. from Wei Wuxian's side now instead of his own. squish the cat.]

[laughitoff]

[finally, completely airless:]

I can't tell you.

[strikingchords]

[quietly shifts to gather him even further in, closing his eyes again; presses his lips against Wei Wuxian's hair. his voice is even and quiet too, a little rough]

All right.

[there is a deep ache of empathy behind those words. it's not disappointment or anger or upset at Wei Wuxian, but something more like the gutpunch shock and then moment of acceptance when you find a mirror somewhere you did not expect to see yourself.]

[laughitoff]

[fuck

he is very quiet after that, but for his hitching breath; shaken all the way through.]

[strikingchords]

[his mouth lingers on Wei Wuxian's crown, on his forehead; wrapped around him internally and externally, waiting patiently for that peak of emotion to ease. so steady.]

[laughitoff]

[it takes a long time. he feels exhausted afterwards, and...puzzled that the world hasn't ended, honestly.]

[strikingchords]

[he knows past plausible deniability now that Lan Wangji knows something, if not details; Lan Wangji knows he knows, and Wei Wuxian knows that in turn. but here he is, being cuddled calmly, face still mushed into Lan Wangji's shoulder...

???????????????

he feels Lan Wangji's eyes on him again, without that ravenous intensity of searching for something. he's just looking to visually confirm that Wei Wuxian's relaxing some. also kind of tired, soft, familiar; concerned without unbearable worry, as someone who cared about him would reasonably be concerned.]

[laughitoff]

[he's relaxing mostly because it's impossible for his body to stay keyed up permanently, but regardless of reason, it is happening

thank you and I'm sorry, he thinks but does not say.]

[strikingchords]

[he feels some of that, maybe; shifts them a bit so they can look at each other again]

[laughitoff]

[he still looks stricken.]

[strikingchords]

[he is not really hurting in a way that bites at him any more, not even with sympathetic pain. he's balanced himself, as he always does, his habitual gravity swinging the pendulum of his distress back to that steady core. perspective aches but doesn't hurt to have, in the end.

...

he cups Wei Wuxian's face in both hands again and leans their foreheads together. Magolor does this to him whenever he's upset, he thinks.

then he moves one hand further, presses his fingers over Wei Wuxian's mouth. don't speak. don't reply to what I will say.

softly]

Wei Ying. Your recklessness angered me in Jiangling.

You seemed to heal slowly.

[laughitoff]

[his lips work against Lan Wangji's finger, just a little; he does not speak, transfixed, his nerves still electric underneath the muddling weariness. he is dully surprised. Jiangling was a long time ago.]

[strikingchords]

[he presses his palm more firmly over Wei Wuxian's mouth. watching him levelly, still entirely soft and serious; he is speaking, not accusing]

You abandoned Suibian. Your spiritual energy faltered in Yiling. Again, later.

[laughitoff]

[he closes his mouth.]

[strikingchords]

[those were facts; easy to recount. now he is come to the reason he is saying this, and he is struggling.]

Others did not notice. Not enough information. I do not guess. I look.

[Wei Wuxian can feel the resistance in him, the weary strained impossibility of putting something so big into words, of folding his heart down into a small enough package. if he relied on himself or others being able to express themselves through words all the time to love or be loved, he would be so poor in it.

he does not feel that he is, though. perhaps he will never learn what stays unsaid, but if he expects others to know him by what he does instead of what comes out of his mouth, he must and will do the same for them. he must and will say as much now to make it easier for Wei Wuxian, since he's the one who can't say the words this time.]

Speech is unnecessary. You are who I see.

[laughitoff]

[he reaches up and folds his hands carefully around Lan Wangji's wrists. he's not trying to remove his hands, or pull away. he is anchoring himself, in a way. something is stirring in him, some unnameable emotion left when all the fear gives way and collapses on itself, like detritus on the shore, jagged and aching. it is hard to be known. it is hard to be seen.

he could stop it at any point; close the bond and leave and walk out of any room with Lan Wangji in it again, keep his secret unsaid if not safe, keep himself from the possibility of it ever being said. and yet. and yet, he looks back, and he wants--

he wants.]

[strikingchords]

[finally loosens his hand on Wei Wuxian's mouth, to curl his fingers around his wrists in turn]