[PALACE GAME - LAN WANGJI RUN]

[laughitoff]

Everything is red. You are dying, somewhere far beyond pain, the very essence of yourself going to pieces. You’re shattering so badly you don’t know if you’ll ever find all of yourself again, if you’ll ever put yourself back together. There are teeth on you, ripping, tearing, devouring. There are teeth inside you, carving their way out, and those are worse.

This is a memory, happening at a remove. It is not yours. This is not happening now.

Everything is grey. You wake up in a prison cell, eyes wide, the ceiling flat and blank and unfamiliar above you. For a moment you simply think, no. You think, Please, wasn’t it over? Wasn’t it enough? You consider closing your eyes again and refusing to get up, until oblivion reclaims you. Even if you’re no longer dying, everything hurts.

This is a memory, happening at a remove. It is not yours. This is not happening now.

What is happening, then?

You–

–sit up.

Comments

[strikingchords]

[...

bows his head and just closes his eyes again. there's a little more wet, not much. Wei Wuxian probably doesn't even need to take care of it if he doesn't want to.]

[laughitoff]

[there are gentle fingers on his cheek again...]

[strikingchords]

[Lan Wangji never stopped leaning into his hands, tbh. allows this too, bringing up a hand to cover Wei Wuxian's]

[laughitoff]

[gently swipes the tears away with his thumb again, quiet...]

[strikingchords]

[laces their fingers together.]

Wei Ying.

[laughitoff]

Yes.

[strikingchords]

If we remain, will he take thought to his own pain, as well?

[laughitoff]

Remain...?

[strikingchords]

In his heart.

By his side.

[laughitoff]

...

[with sharp, brittle honesty]

I do not know.

[strikingchords]

...

Mm.

My apologies.

[seems unoffended; gravely shifting to sit up more and smooth a hand down Wei Wuxian's hair, instead]

[laughitoff]

[he seems to be able to sit up on his own now, less obviously unsteady]

If i can take it to spare others, then shouldn't I?

[strikingchords]

[thinking about it seriously, petting him...

after a while]

What does Wei Ying desire?

A cause, or a place?

[laughitoff]

...

Do you want a truth, or the truest truth?

[strikingchords]

....

Want Wei Ying.

In whatever truths find him willing.

[laughitoff]

[closes his eyes, the breath shuddering out of him like he's been punched]

More than anything, I want a rest.

[strikingchords]

...

Wei Ying has lived sparing others. And, he has died.

[in this moment, he's also just sad, but...]

Would spare him instead, if I could. Would carry him on his single-plank bridge. There is time to rest, taken in turn. He has never done so.

Let me stay close. Let me offer this.

[laughitoff]

I have never been able to stop you.

[strikingchords]

[quiet]

Nor have you accepted.

[laughitoff]

Don't you want a rest too...?

[strikingchords]

I do.

But, not as Wei Ying thinks.

[laughitoff]

Then...?

[strikingchords]

[...very low...]

It is difficult, to stand by. When someone you care for might be harmed.

Wei Ying knows.

[laughitoff]

[winces]

I can't lie here. I can't tell you I'm okay with you taking it in my place to protect me, either.

[strikingchords]

...

Must it be one or the other?