[Wei Wuxian watches, with his hands folded into his sleeves and his thoughts dulled and red, as Granny and A-Yuan play their game of hide-and-seek, slowly in deference to Granny's arthritic knees. there are few places in the Burial Mounds where a child can play freely, safely, properly. they contrive to do their best. A-Yuan is sensitive enough to have caught some of the atmosphere of fear and despairing terror that pervades their little home, but they do their best to distract him, to continue on with him as though life is still the semblance of normalcy it had reached just a few months ago. why hurt him more? he's already condemned to death, just like the rest of them.
Wei Wuxian doesn't have to ward the little hill with its copse of scraggling trees. Wei Wuxian is stretching himself thinner and scraping himself rawer by the day, trying to build the shields strong enough to withstand the inevitable invasion, trying still to keep them all safe, trying to find a way out for the Wens if not himself, trying, trying, trying. he should not be sparing strength for this sentimentality. he does it anyway, his own indulgence.
Granny meets his eyes for a moment, while she makes the rounds of the trees, and they both try to smile at each other and fail before just nodding. A-Yuan is laughing, the only laughter that's been heard in the Burial Mounds these last days: ah, to be a child again, with any trust that the adults will make it right for you.
he is going to die. he knows that even as he bends himself to preserve the rest of them. he welcomes it at this point, not so deep down. but perhaps--]
[yeah Lan Wangji's completely unguarded against that, caught up in his own memories; he stumbles back from the tree and almost trips but for his long-practiced balance and control, jerked near-physically down the hillside]
[against the cacaphony of Wei Wuxian's emotions Lan Wangji's self-contained knife-blade of grief just-- doesn't show up; Wei Wuxian would have to be looking for it to feel its stiletto presence through Lan Wangji's gut, and he's obviously not. Lan Wangji actually goes to his knees for a moment at the onslaught in his head, blank and tense enough against his shaking that he's achieved a tremble in his hands from the other direction entirely.]
[it's another few seconds of agony before Wei Wuxian recollects himself and retreats once more, panting in the back of Lan Wangji's mind, trying to set the newfound knowledge that Lan Wangji did rescue A-Yuan against that suddenly undammed river of pain]
[Lan Wangji doesn't follow him; he just looks silently at the ground between the dirt-stained fingers of his outstretched gravedigger's hands, numb and cold as a man bled out]
[he heads back to the beautiful lush valley that he knows is an illusion with a coffin in it in truth. he ignores the scenery and goes straight to the cliff. this, at least, he assumes is close enough to reality. he's seen and heard enough references to falling through all of this.
he puts a hand on it. he tilts his head up to see how it apparently continues up forever, with no discernable end to its face. he traces an array into the rock with a torn fingertip, leaving the faintest blood trail behind.]
[there is a wrench in his gut, and he is on top of the cliff instead of at its base, with the view of the actual Burial Mounds below. it's bare and rocky up here, the sky still reddish-grayish. round old bloodstains pit the edge right by his feet]
[there's a crystal chrysanthemum, strange and perfect and out of place, at the cliff edge on the other side of the bloodstains. Lan Wangji's eyes track across them before he rests his eyes on it; it has a faint glow that doesn't seem to belong to the surroundings.]
[he leaves a space for an answer and when one doesn't come, he takes another breath, takes the few steps over the bloodstains, and kneels prudently at the edge of the cliff before he picks up the chrysanthemum.]
Wen Chao scorned, “You’re so close to your death and you’re still playing the hero!”
Wei WuXian laughed coldly, “It’s precisely because I’m close to my death that I’m so happy! What I’m scared of is that I won’t die. If you have the guts then torture me! The more cruel the better. After I die, I’ll definitely become a ferocious ghost and haunt the QishanWen Sect day and night, cursing all of you!”
...
Knowing that he’d definitely die, Wei WuXian somehow grew calmer. The bone-deep hatred within him settled into iron-cold determination. Looking at his expression, although Wen Chao was annoyed, he somehow felt fear. He kicked his stomach, “You’re still putting on the act! Who do you want to scare?! Whose hero are you pretending to be?!”
The group of disciples beat up Wei WuXian with him. After he felt that it was enough, Wen Chao finally ordered, “Enough!”
Wei WuXian spat out another mouthful of blood. His heart was set, It’s time to kill me? It won’t be much different even if I die. It won’t be any worse than living, and there’s a one-in-three chance for me to become a ferocious ghost and seek revenge!
Thinking of this, he felt an unparalleled thrill.
...
Along with him, the Wen Sect’s people flew with their swords. The town and the mountains grew farther and farther away. Wei WuXian thought, Even if Jiang Cheng went down, he wouldn’t be able to find me anymore… Why are they taking me so high into the air? Let me fall to my death when they’re high enough?
...
He kept his head raised and his eyes open as he plummeted off the cliff. He looked at the person who killed Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu, and tormented Jiang Cheng. He seared his face and his cold expression into his heart.
...
His lungs burned and his bones ached. He did not let himself collapse. He bound resentful energy about his limbs to keep walking, like a fierce corpse. What else was he to do? There was no one to help him here except fierce corpses. There would be no one to help him. He had to help himself.
Wei Wuxian is screaming between the rush of them--]
[they ebb suddenly, as if jolted to a halt. they do not quite perceive the cliffside around them any more externally; it's dimming into a shadowy space, still undefined. there is a feeling of enormous gears shifting into a new position.]
[there's a massive crunch as the revolution completes, and they're suddenly in another set of memories.
Your uncle told you that the news was bad in a hundred little ways before either of you ever spoke. You could hear it from the little hesitation before he cleared his throat and announced himself at the flap of the tent; you could see it in the fine lines around his mouth, the slightly too-careful way he bowed his head to you in owed respect to the acting leader of the Lan Sect. Ridiculous. By the time you meet his eyes there has been more than enough warning to summon the cool dispassion that flows through your veins like water.
"My brother," you don't quite ask. You have been braced for the bad news for weeks. You think that the axe falling might almost be a relief until the bleeding sets in.
"There's been no news of Xichen yet," Lan Qiren replies. You go still, your very lack of reaction evidence of your surprise. What, then--? He only leaves you in suspense for a moment.
Lotus Pier. You knew that the Wens wouldn't stop at your sect, but between their leader's reputation and the Violet Spider, you had believed that of all places Lotus Pier was well-protected. Jiang Fengmian had assured you he understood the risks at the Xuanwu's cave. You'd trusted--
Wei Ying and the heir to the sect are missing. Your cool reserve freezes to ice in your veins with the horror of it. He is missing. Where is he?
Your brother has not returned. The search parties you dispatch to Yunmeng come back with nothing but fearful tales to soothe the panic you keep locked under your ribs. Jiang Cheng reappears alone at Qinghe. You walk out of the hastily-called Discussion Conference with words of rebellion still on your lips; you stare down from the wall of the Unclean Realm and let it sink in even further that your father was always right. You have the nominal power of the head of the Lan Sect, the one responsibility to your family you never asked for, and it will give you nothing, nothing, nothing back that you ever wanted.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
laughitoff) wrote2019-12-15 06:43 pm
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Yes.]
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Thank you. Sleep well.
he plays the last bars.]
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Wei Wuxian doesn't have to ward the little hill with its copse of scraggling trees. Wei Wuxian is stretching himself thinner and scraping himself rawer by the day, trying to build the shields strong enough to withstand the inevitable invasion, trying still to keep them all safe, trying to find a way out for the Wens if not himself, trying, trying, trying. he should not be sparing strength for this sentimentality. he does it anyway, his own indulgence.
Granny meets his eyes for a moment, while she makes the rounds of the trees, and they both try to smile at each other and fail before just nodding. A-Yuan is laughing, the only laughter that's been heard in the Burial Mounds these last days: ah, to be a child again, with any trust that the adults will make it right for you.
he is going to die. he knows that even as he bends himself to preserve the rest of them. he welcomes it at this point, not so deep down. but perhaps--]
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[a howling in his head, Wei Wuxian choked with furious grief all the way through]
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EVERYONE'S FINE HERE]
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Lan Wangji gets up again and shakes the ash off his dirt-resistant Lan mourning robes and keeps steadily walking down the hill without a word.]
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he puts a hand on it. he tilts his head up to see how it apparently continues up forever, with no discernable end to its face. he traces an array into the rock with a torn fingertip, leaving the faintest blood trail behind.]
Open.
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There.
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Wen Chao scorned, “You’re so close to your death and you’re still playing the hero!”
Wei WuXian laughed coldly, “It’s precisely because I’m close to my death that I’m so happy! What I’m scared of is that I won’t die. If you have the guts then torture me! The more cruel the better. After I die, I’ll definitely become a ferocious ghost and haunt the QishanWen Sect day and night, cursing all of you!”
...
Knowing that he’d definitely die, Wei WuXian somehow grew calmer. The bone-deep hatred within him settled into iron-cold determination. Looking at his expression, although Wen Chao was annoyed, he somehow felt fear. He kicked his stomach, “You’re still putting on the act! Who do you want to scare?! Whose hero are you pretending to be?!”
The group of disciples beat up Wei WuXian with him. After he felt that it was enough, Wen Chao finally ordered, “Enough!”
Wei WuXian spat out another mouthful of blood. His heart was set, It’s time to kill me? It won’t be much different even if I die. It won’t be any worse than living, and there’s a one-in-three chance for me to become a ferocious ghost and seek revenge!
Thinking of this, he felt an unparalleled thrill.
...
Along with him, the Wen Sect’s people flew with their swords. The town and the mountains grew farther and farther away. Wei WuXian thought, Even if Jiang Cheng went down, he wouldn’t be able to find me anymore… Why are they taking me so high into the air? Let me fall to my death when they’re high enough?
...
He kept his head raised and his eyes open as he plummeted off the cliff. He looked at the person who killed Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu, and tormented Jiang Cheng. He seared his face and his cold expression into his heart.
...
His lungs burned and his bones ached. He did not let himself collapse. He bound resentful energy about his limbs to keep walking, like a fierce corpse. What else was he to do? There was no one to help him here except fierce corpses. There would be no one to help him. He had to help himself.
Wei Wuxian is screaming between the rush of them--]
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Stop it, stop it, stop it, fucking--stop it!
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Your uncle told you that the news was bad in a hundred little ways before either of you ever spoke. You could hear it from the little hesitation before he cleared his throat and announced himself at the flap of the tent; you could see it in the fine lines around his mouth, the slightly too-careful way he bowed his head to you in owed respect to the acting leader of the Lan Sect. Ridiculous. By the time you meet his eyes there has been more than enough warning to summon the cool dispassion that flows through your veins like water.
"My brother," you don't quite ask. You have been braced for the bad news for weeks. You think that the axe falling might almost be a relief until the bleeding sets in.
"There's been no news of Xichen yet," Lan Qiren replies. You go still, your very lack of reaction evidence of your surprise. What, then--? He only leaves you in suspense for a moment.
Lotus Pier. You knew that the Wens wouldn't stop at your sect, but between their leader's reputation and the Violet Spider, you had believed that of all places Lotus Pier was well-protected. Jiang Fengmian had assured you he understood the risks at the Xuanwu's cave. You'd trusted--
Wei Ying and the heir to the sect are missing. Your cool reserve freezes to ice in your veins with the horror of it. He is missing. Where is he?
Your brother has not returned. The search parties you dispatch to Yunmeng come back with nothing but fearful tales to soothe the panic you keep locked under your ribs. Jiang Cheng reappears alone at Qinghe. You walk out of the hastily-called Discussion Conference with words of rebellion still on your lips; you stare down from the wall of the Unclean Realm and let it sink in even further that your father was always right. You have the nominal power of the head of the Lan Sect, the one responsibility to your family you never asked for, and it will give you nothing, nothing, nothing back that you ever wanted.]
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